The morning started like any other, grateful for my overly comfortable mattress, giving my less than bald head a scratch and eating an apple wondering why a wicked witch would choose an apple to poison? After all, there's more of a guarantee someone will accept a pie, cookie or Klondike bar from a stranger over an apple... just saying.
I was getting ready for my daily walk, or rather I should say getting suited up for playing my rousing game of, 'how long can I walk before having to sit on a bench', when I was struck with the realization that, I'm official now my own grandma. The realization happened as I was hanging my cupcake shaped ‘if found please return to’ tag on my hip pack; but it was more than the fact that I now have to walk around with emergency numbers hanging from my fanny pack and also more than the fact I was indeed wearing fanny pack to hang them from, but rather because of so many little things that added up to my current reality:
- I need to pause going up stairs to catch my breath.
- I now own a top of the line fancy pill splitter.
- My blood pressure changes with every movement.
- The label on my pill containers say 'hazardous' in big block letters.
- I have post-its around my house that say 'pills?' to remind myself to take them.
- Nap time IS my party time.
- I lose track of my thoughts part way through the actual thought.
- I keep Kleenex in my sleeve to help me deal with a never ending runny nose.
- I carry candy in my purse to suck during treatment as a distraction & of course offer a piece to all the nurses.
- My thought filter is gone so I say the first thing that comes to mind in any situation.
- I have selective hearing so sometimes sounds are too soft other times they are too loud and honestly I can’t focus to understand to know what is going on anyway!
This current truth really snuck up on me, I have gone from being 43 to 83 in a matter of months. But the wonderful reality is,
this is temporary.
It's too easy to get caught up worrying ‘what if this is it’ or asking ‘how did I get here’; I find it freer to laugh, put on my big floppy hat and be just be grateful for that Kleenex in my sleeve, happy that I'm smart enough to use post-it notes, appreciate that I am always packing sweets and relieved knowing that if someone finds me passed out on a sidewalk they will know who to call.
It's all about taking the perspective of gratitude.
Life is fluid and the one thing I can always rely on is the fact that change is inevitable. This means I never have to feel overwhelmed by the current situation I am in because there is always another situation coming my way. So, I will be grateful for the good, know the bad won't last and always be wise enough to turn down apples from strangers.