It doesn't take much to make me happy. I'm a girl who loves the simple things in life and it's an added bonus if I can get a slice of chocolate cake on the side. My current favorite simple pleasure is reading on my balcony with a perfectly steeped cup of Jasmine green tea in a fancy mug. Reading is big deal since chemo stole my eyes ability to focus and put my head up into a foggy fluffy cloud keeping me away from my beloved books for months. When I was finally able to pick one up and could physically see the words, my brain was still more interested in floating rather than focusing.
To satisfy both my eager inner reader and chemo brain, I picked up some fluffy hallmark like romance novels where blanking out on a page here or there wouldn't keep me from following the completely obvious story line leading up to the oh-so predictable ending.
But while reading one of the fluffy overly sweet cavity causing books, five words leap off the page, slapped me in the face and halted me in my tracks. These five words flew past the chemo fog, darted through my protective walls and hit smack dab in the middle of one of my secret well protected fears:
Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes.
The fear originally poked it's head up back in January during the two weeks I was scrambling to wrap things up at school before zipping off to surgery and beginning my cancer journey. Amongst the report card writing, lesson planning, and essay marking was a whisper in the back of my head that taunted, "when you return, one day you will be sitting at your desk and realize that although you have fought off cancer, you are right back where you started". The notion that I could go though such a colossal journey and not move forward in my life sent chills down my spine, so I locked it away... until I read those five words.
The reality is that..
true change comes from MY decisions, and if I continue to make the same
decisions, I will continue to get what I have always gotten.
Same old same old is just fine if that is what I want, but it isn't. I was ready for a change before cancer, and knowing that change is as simple as making different choices, puts the power back in my hands. I'm the one who gets to choose to explore the different prongs of that fork in the road and make my life bigger than it already is.
Turns out, the fear of nothing changing was an illusion, because I wasn't fully appreciating that change is always just a different decision away. It doesn't involve anyone's approval but my own and I don't have to wait for someone else to give me what I am desiring. Better yet it means I never have to feel stuck!
It's just like Glinda the Good Witch told Dorothy;
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.
I am now embracing the power I have always had... the power of choice.