I finally heard it. I had to step outside of myself like an alien from Men in Black and eavesdrop on my own conversations to do it, but it was shockingly clear. Sometimes it was a subtle thought that floated through my head or a random comment that snuck into conversation with a friend; but either way, this automatic habit was getting in the way of my joy. I need to stop,
Most often these thoughts are like whispers that are hardly noticeable...
- she looks amazing, I am such a mess.
- I lost all of my hair to chemo, yet that person didn't, they must be a better person.
- my boss is kinder to my colleague, obviously I don't work hard enough.
- they are so much better with money than I am, how do I not have more moo-la at my age?
I am using my Olympic worthy abilities of beating myself up to zap away joy by comparing myself to others and ultimately making myself feel less than wonderful.
Comparison has become a tool that I have been using to dictate my worth and figure out how to fit in. Whether it's to determine how to act, what to buy, or find permission to wear bright funky tights in public; I am going outside of myself for permission to just be me.
But how can I learn to be me, when I am comparing myself to someone else? Letting go of this cruel un-necessary metre stick of comparison allows me to,
- explore what it means to be me, in all of my glory!
- accept that my own approval is enough.
- free up some real-estate in my head for much more wonderful things to move in.
- not take myself so seriously!
- rid myself of the icky anxiety that comes with trying to keep up with the Jones'.
- be happy in my own 'burn quickly in the sun' skin (it’s a redhead thing!).
Nobody knows me better than me, and it comes down to the fact that I am allowed to like what I like, I am grateful for who I am, and I am ROCKING this bald head!
And golly gee, I am MORE than enough… this isn’t in comparison to anyone.