As we were getting suited up to spend a luxurious day bouncing from hot tub to hot tub, vegging in different saunas, relaxing at fire pits and sitting in lounge chairs in a toasty room overlooking ponds and trees I turned to my friend and said, “see, even in my bathing suit on you can tell the difference!” She took a step back to get a better angle in which to see my chest, and as her eyes darted back and forth trying to make sense of it all she burst out laughing, “totally!” It was impossible to stifle our girlish giggles in the calm quiet change room and we were grateful that the in house ‘shh-er’ wasn’t wandering through.
The night before, when stepping out of the shower, I caught a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror and instead of my eyes doing the usual scar, polka dot tattoos, port inspection, I was struck by something I’d never noticed before. I stood up straighter, squaring my shoulders and tilting my head sideways as I attempted to get a better look. Interesting…
I raised one hand to cover my left breast so I could just concentrate on the right one, then switched hands to cover my right breast so I could see the left one clearer. After a number of hand switches inspecting my ladies in isolation I stopped to see them as a pair once again and declared it official; my ladies are different ages. Although the left side looks like its proper 44 year old self having just begun making friends with gravity, the right side, the side that has endured surgery, and direct blasts radiation is looking like a breast of a 28 year old, all firm, perky and ready to take on the world.
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I wondered if my radiologist would mind firing up the old radiation machine for some cosmetic radiation for my left side to make them a matching pair. Seriously, is that too much to ask?
I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish my thighs wouldn’t rub together, or that my nose wasn’t permanently broken, but the truth is, even with adding lopsided breasts to my list of attributes, I’ve no reason not to just love my body exactly the way it is. Each scar, bump, birthmark, roll and wrinkle I’ve accumulated are uniquely mine, well earned, and I’m proud of each and every one of them. Beauty has nothing to do with perfection, it’s knowing I’m beautiful because I’m perfectly one of a kind.