I got back into my car and sat there frozen. I wasn’t expecting to be overcome with such emotion, but tears were emerging and I felt so full of joy and gratitude that I thought I was going to burst.
My home is still in DEFCON 5 mode after the wee flood and with my house out of order, I feel like my entire life is topsy turvy flipped upside down. To deal with this chaotic disorder I went into a mega cleaning out mode and have been drill Sargenting my way through every corner of my home; no drawer is left unturned, no shelf is sacred and there will be no hiding under any cushion! If it’s in my home then it’s up for debate whether it remains there.
I’m tired of holding onto things because because I’m simply used to seeing them or feeling guilt over getting rid of something that although has been in my closet for years, still has the purchase tags attached to them. Living in disarray had me desperately craving space so this clean-out was going to be epic and there was no room for guilt.
I asked the cliche question, “does this bring me joy” then heard The Clash singing Should I Stay or Should I Go in my head before finally deciding to make use of an item or find someone else who would appreciate it more… and yes, the metaphor of getting rid of the old to make space for the new has not been lost to me!
One of the bigger clean-outs was my bathroom vanity. Whenever I see my products on sale I buy with the philosophy of, “if 1 is good then 10 is better” so I am beyond overstocked and was feeling cluttered from my over preparedness!
While debating what to do with the overabundance that was barely being contained by my vanity doors, I stumbled upon a charity called The Purse Project. This fabulous organization collects purses filled with ‘female must have products’ and gives them to women in homeless shelters or on the street at Christmas. It was after giving the coordinator two large bags full of products, a few wallets, and boxes of tampons that I found myself in tears in my car. There was a deep feeling of joy that I hadn’t experienced in so long wash over me. Giving to this charity was by far more healing than any meds I have taken.
It was a reminder to me that when I’m at my worst is often the best time to show gratitude by giving. There is such a joy knowing I can make a difference, and it’s a wonderful way to gain motivation to keep moving forward myself.
Each time I have felt like the process of kicking cancer to the curb weighing on me or sense it wanting to take me over, the question I ask myself is,
How do I want to take back my power?
And cancer can’t touch the joy that comes from gratitude, sharing or helping others. My purging gave me so much more than some needed closet space, it ended up giving me a feeling of purpose.